A Sleeve Journey

The Time is Now

Leave a comment

Impossible Feats

Impossible Feats

If you’re like me, being morbidly obese, everyday things for normal people. Things like these are part of the driving force for losing weight. Some are just embarrassing  others are things I want to do but can’t because of my weight. Doing these things again are a part of my goals for this process.

  • Cross my legs: Yeah, that’s right. It’s so disheartening that I can’t even sit down and cross my legs. They are just too big.
  • Roller coasters: I still remember the first time I was asked to leave a roller coaster. The bar came down and clicked twice, but if it didn’t click three times, you weren’t able to ride. I love roller coasters and I haven’t been able to ride one in probably 6 years.
  • Kayak: I own a kayak, and I am no longer able to ride in it with the 330lb weight limit the water line comes up too high to be stable enough to ride. I love to kayak and even with my heavy duty one, I still eventually exceeded the limit. I want to kayak again.
  • Fly without being embarrassed: I still fly – in coach. But I’m always incredibly worried about making the trip horrible for the person next to me. I spend my time on the plane making sure I’m leaning away from the person and not making them uncomfortable instead of enjoying my flight. Half the time, I need a seat belt extender. I want to be able to fly without worry.
  • Sit in the middle of an aisle without worrying about getting out: I have so much anxiety when it comes to public places. What if someone can’t get by my seat because I’m too big? What if I can’t get out of the middle of an aisle because I’m so big? Making sure I can get out of a situation takes over my mind and it’s mostly because of my weight. I don’t want to have to worry about these things in public. I want to be able to fit in anywhere.
  • Wear fashionable boots or heels: I absolutely love all of those boots that are currently in style and can’t wear any of them. My calves are about three times the size that most of those boots allow. I recently found “WIDE WIDE calf boots” – even those are tight, but I can scrunch them down a little and get them to zip. No one ever said heels were comfortable, but when you are fat, the are impossible. Maybe this is one thing that is good – since I can’t wear them, I don’t spend the money on them. However, being so big that I can’t even wear certain shoes definitely needs to change.
  • Ride a horse: Power is often measured in horse power, but one horse is just not enough to hold this girl.
  • White water rafting: The last time I went on a rafting trip I had 4 people that worked for the rafting company try to convince me that the trip I was going on was too difficult – and it was all because of my weight. They didn’t care that I had rafted so many times before or that I use to swim competitively they were convinced I couldn’t do it. I went through with it because it’s something I love and I knew I could do it, but it was so embarrassing and disheartening to have people trying to convince me I couldn’t do something because of my weight.
  • Wear any jewelry: where ever it’s suppose to go, it’s always too small. Rings, bracelets, necklaces are always too small to fit my over sized extremities.
  • Sit in a college lecture hall seat with the desk down: One of the worst things about being in college and being morbidly obese is not being able to work comfortably in class. Most of the seats squeeze me in so close my legs lose circulation during lecture. I rarely find a lecture hall where I can put down the little desk to take notes/an exam. Not fitting in a lecture hall makes things infinitely more difficult. I guarantee that no other students know that the seats to the right of the lefty desks have more room because there is no desk protruding into your area from the lefty desk since it’s on the other side. For me however, getting to one of these prized seats is a game I play every day. And even in those seats, I still can’t get the desk down to actually be able to write or have people sitting next to me because my arms definitely protrude into that space.  I want to be able to walk into a lecture hall, sit anywhere I want, and take an exam. Is that too much to ask for?
  • Eat a normal portion and be satisfied: I honestly disgust myself with how much I can eat or how much I have to  eat in order to feel satisfied. I want to be able to eat a normal size meal or a serving size and say, yes, I’ve had enough and be done.
  • Put my laundry in less than 3 washers: I’m in college. Funds are tight and the washers are small. Being so large means that my clothing takes up much more room than normal sized clothing. For once I’d like to go a week without producing 3 or 4 loads of laundry.